gRIEVING THE DERBY: MENTAL HEALTH TIPS FOR GETTING THROUGH THIS TOGETHER

Grieving the Derby: 
Mental Health Tips for Getting Through This Together
By Marcie Timmerman, Executive Director, Mental Health America of Kentucky

The Kentucky Derby is much more than a two-minute horse race. It is an event that signals Spring is here and Summer is on its way. It is a gathering of family and friends. It means special food, special drinks, hats, flowers, and a feeling of pride in being from Kentucky. The 2020 Kentucky Derby has been postponed to September because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The postponement has led to feelings of deep sadness, loneliness, anger, and all the other emotions that come from grief. It's one piece of an overall grief for the pre-pandemic "normal." We have collected some tips for helping yourself and your family get through this time.

• Have empathy for yourself and others. We are all dealing with things being uncertain, with changes to ourselves and our families and the world around us. Being sad or missing the Derby is one feeling among many during these times, and those feelings are valid. Resist the urge to one-up someone’s feelings. Don’t tell others how to feel. Listen without judgment and be supportive.
• Connect with friends and family. You are not alone in how you feel. Connect with others who understand what this event means to you. Use video calling, telephones, or even start a watch party on Netflix of your favorite Derby-themed movie.
• Make the Derby food. For many, Derby party food is served only once per year. The recipes have been passed down for generations. There's no reason to deny yourself a little fun with food right now. Wear your masks, shop local when you can, and be safe about it. It's okay to make smaller portions of your favorite party foods and have an at-home feast to welcome the good weather. Finding yourself too short on cash to have your usual fun foods? See other steps.
• Wear the hat, the suit, the fun gear. It's okay to have a Derby-themed gathering at home no matter what the time of year. Kids, especially, love an excuse to get dressed up. Adults do too. Wear your hat, wear the suit, dress up in your favorite Derby tee. This is your license to have a little fun while being #HealthyatHome. Don’t have fancy clothes? Make some Derby accessories out of recycled materials.
• Feel the feelings, but keep them in context. Don't give in to the inclination to catastrophize this event. "We will get through this together," as Gov. Beshear says.
• Channel your extra energy, funds, or time into doing good. If you're lucky enough to be financially stable, send some of that betting money to charities in your area. Brighten someone else's day. Doing good makes you feel good.

Need more ideas? Having feelings that are more complicated? Contact us at 859-684-7778 or check out www.mhaky.org for mental health providers, tip sheets on COVID-19 and our Tools 2 Thrive kit for Mental Health Month.